Winter

Well, I would like to start off by saying I am sorry I have missed the last couple of weeks. I have either been sick, busy or just plain lazy. But I do intend on making up the blog I missed on Valentine's day - so look for that one sometime this week.

Snow. If that word doesn't fill you with the wrath of God by now, then either your mind has some problems or cabin fever has taken over.  I hated winter the moment it started and still do; not to mention that I now have a car that involves scraping and dusting and then my hands crack because the cold dries out my hands and then the snow gets in my shoe and then my.....you know the drill. I think we Ohioans can all say that winter has been outlived.

But cabin fever has been giving  me plenty time to think. Not trying to stray too far from the topic, I will tell you about my thoughts on snow.  First off I hate it. I really don't have any love for it at all! As soon as it starts snowing my hopes fall and the dreaded thought of winter runs through my head. I will give snow this, it is beautiful. The untouched blanket it a field looks more than desirable. But, I really love snowflakes though and I could go into how every snowflake's different and how we are all beautiful blah blah blah....the concept is overused and cliché, but - of course - true. But my thoughts focused on the "life" of a snowflake.

A snowflake falls from the sky, unique and sparkling and then it hits the ground. If it's lucky enough it joins thousands of others to form a blanket; and then at some point it melts (in Ohio this can take up to what feels like a year).  But some fall from the sky, just like the others and fall on a car, or a person or bench or....you get the idea. These snowflakes melt sooner than the others that fall on the ground. Then there are the snowflakes that get dirty from the salt and so on.  This can be compared to the life of a human. We come into this world, unique and sparkling and we go through our childhood trying to hold onto it, then most of us fall into the world. We become a blanket, some of us get dirty, some of us get stepped on and a very few of us remain untouched.  Yet in the end we all die.

But then there are people that come into life radiant, and their flame lasts longer than others, but they die too soon. Yes, we are all thinking about my dad. I honestly think he was a rare person. There are not many people in this world like him (although my dad had flaws too just like the rest of the world). My dad would be mortified if I compared his life to a snowflake, so I'll just stop here. I feel like all of the worlds most unique, shining, wise people die too soon.  Think about a person that died too soon and what life would be like if they lived longer. What if Abe Lincoln lived longer?  What if Shakespeare lived longer?  What if __________ lived longer?

This can make us mad, or sad. But God knows what He is doing.  Maybe, someone's lit-up life ended too soon to be with him.

Or maybe God wanted them to take over their positions in paradise.

Or maybe.......?

"New Normal."

I'm warning you, today's blog is not going to be as deep as it normally is. This is because I had a somewhat "normal" week. As I sat for over 15 minutes trying to figure what the heck I was going to blog about, it came to my attention that every blog I have written has been about an event, vacation or something big.  I haven't had a break.

Now, normal comes with drama, there is always drama in my life. I don't always going looking for it, well actually - I never going looking for it. It always finds me.  I'm not saying I don't start drama, because I know I do, I'm a dramatic person, but if I do cause it I never mean to. So, of course I had things to deal with, and I'm pretty sure at some point this week I was laying on the ground crying about most likely school.

But this was the most normal week I have had, that I can remember, since I lost my Dad. How I feel about that I don't know.  I think I am happy, that my life is taking some kind of normality again. The last couple months have been a whirlwind. There was always something going on, we had almost every room in our house redone. Just letting you know renovating your house is like living in hell for weeks, just a heads up. Then between the three trips I have taken (Oregon, NYC then Florida), I also happened to be in the middle of the school year.  So when I wasn't in a beautiful amazing place, fulfilling one of my hearts desire to see the world, I was either unpacking, packing or desperately trying to make a dent on my piling-up late homework. While also trying to juggle my social life, and working part time as a nanny. You can imagine how messy my room was. Oh, and just to put a cherry on top, I was also grieving. I was going crazy.

Now, for this huge disclaimer - I am so, so crazy, amazingly, dumbfoundedly grateful for everything that I listed above (well, besides that late homework and messy room;).

I feel like my life has been a rollercoaster, going 200 mph, dropping and rising, turning and doing loop-de-loops and it never stops. I think lately, its slowing down. That's the thing, I think everyone's life is a rollercoaster ride. But the typical speed was 75 mph. That was my normal before my I lost my Dad. I don't think my life will ever go down to that speed again. In counseling, we always talk about "the new normal" - that we will all someday find it. I really don't know what that means yet, but I can imagine my "new normal" being like this week.  Now, if you had asked me about a week just like this one about nine months ago, I would have told you it was terrible.

There is another thing that leads me to believe that this "speed" or "new normal" is good. I am finding that I am making more time for God. This week, I told myself that I needed to pull my life back together. I need to get my butt in gear.  I'm not pulling myself together- pulling my life together in hopes that the mess that I am follows suit. If I stay a mess for the rest of my life- so what? Everyone's a mess; some more than others. The point is that we all try. We don't just sit in our beds and give up. We get up and face the glorious day that God has made.

Tomorrow, I encourage you to get up and breathe. Breathe. You are breathing. You are alive. You can make a difference with your life- with just this day. This life, every single breath of pure air that you take is a gift. We get to worship our God with every breath. This is a gift. And this, THIS is what I want my "new normal" to be.