Where do I start?
Today was probably one of the worst days of my life. You must be thinking "It can't be that bad, it's Christmas!" Would that change if I told you my day started out bad before I even woke up? Today all started with a nightmare; a visitor I don't get often. A crazy dream that consisted of last minute (4am) Christmas shopping, giant potholes, my stolen car, my mom coming to the rescue in her car/bike that I ended up crashing. As I walked home I was screaming at the top of my lungs "THIS DAY WAS HARD ENOUGH ALREADY!!" Lots of others thing escaped my lips; angry curses, desperate attempts to talk myself into shutting up and yelling at my mom to back off. As we reached the top of my street, some chaotic events occurred, that slipped my memory; and finally, I woke up. Little did I know that the line "This day was hard enough already" was going to be my motto for Christmas Day 2014.
As I ripped myself from my bed, fumbled down the stairs and plopped on to the couch, I told my family of the crazy dream. We laughed it off as the festivities began. That's when it all started. My sister began to take the Christmas stockings down off the mantle, then awkwardly skipped over my Dads empty stocking bereft of the normal dime store trinkets, but filled with notes from all of us. As she handed our stockings out to the assigned family member, I glared back at the mantle. There it hung, all alone. It stung my soul, beyond what I thought was capable, beyond what I thought I was going to feel; in that moment I knew that now and forever I will always hate Christmas. At that point I wanted to quit - go up in my room, lay on the floor and cry the rest of the day away. I felt that I had to be strong. I wanted to see my family open their gifts and smile. As we went on, my gifts did distract me some, but everytime I looked at the mantle, the deep gloom filled me. My mom had addressed our gifts "from: Mom and Dad." which nearly set me off. But I pushed it to the very back of my mind and went on. At this point the thought crossed my mind that this day couldn't get any worse. Apparently, I forgot to knock on wood. (I really don't believe in luck. Just a joke.)
After the morning had settled, I felt like my head was going to explode, my throat was raw, I was cold then hot; then repeat and add coughing every other minute. I told my mom, threw myself on that couch and cried silently. Within a few minutes we had decided that it was best to go to the ER and make sure I didn't have Bronchitis, Strep or something along those lines. As my mom and I were about to depart, I thought some tea for the road would be nice. I got out my brand new travel mug, a Christmas gift from one of my best friends. With the tea made and ready to go, I set the cup down and started to put away the honey - I bet you'll never guess what happened next- well my elbow caught the mug, sending it to a shattering death. In that moment, I was done. I shoved away my loving Grandma's comfort, found the kitchen table, put my head on the table and sobbed.
Soon after, I'm sitting in the ER thinking, yet again, This day couldn't get any worse. When will I learn. After a short time of waiting and a quick exam I was diagnosed with a bad cough - viral. The first good thing to happen that day. As we left, the meds I took at home finally kicked in, I had my appetite back and was hoping for something to eat. It took awhile, but we found that The Waffle House was open. Walking in, we were greeted by a happy "Merry Christmas - sit anywhere you'd like." As we took a seat on the stools at the counter, we talked with the friendly (And very attractive) dish boy while he washed dishes. We talked of the ugly sweaters that most of the staff were sporting and why people would work on Christmas and be so happy about it. It that short time- it actually felt like the warm, joyful Christmas I knew. We left the diner full, happy and filled with Christmas cheer.
We got home and finally had an hour to relax before we went to see the movie liked we had planned. As my whole family pulled into the mall, we all let out a sigh. There were two firetrucks and an ambulance outside the mall. We parked and they let us in. We figured that some popcorn had burnt or something. As we walked in, my mom saw a fireman and walked over to him to find out what was going on. He informed my mom that there was a natural gas smell in the whole mall, but they did a sweep of the entire place and it was fine. My heart fell as I saw my brother's face. My 11 year old brother has extreme problems with anxiety. Now this is a whole other blog post, so let's just say we had to force him to come with us. The Hobbit began as we took our seats. Ahem.......death, war, gore and more death. ( I would mentally prepare yourself if you going to see this, everyone you love dies.) Just what we needed to see.
As I got into the car after the movie, I checked my phone to find miles and miles of uplifting words from a good friend of mine, Mikayla. She wrote of my beauty and strength; she shared beautiful memories of my dad. It brought me to tears. We arrived at my Grandma's house to find piles of gifts from the surgery center where she works. (They had "adopted" our family this year. They choose one every Christmas.) We all opened our gifts and ended the day with some feelings of happiness.
Now. This day was hard. Really hard. Ever since I saw my Dad's stocking- these thoughts continue to assault me. Dad would be sitting there right now, opening his gifts. Dad would feel so bad that you were sick on Christmas. Dad would be sitting here in the ER with you right now. Dad. Dad . Dad. Dad's not here. Dad's not laughing. It was......is unbearable.
I ask you this: Please, for me, be grateful. Be grateful that you have your family. Forget about what you got or what you didn't get under the tree. Hug your dad for me. Tell him you love him and that you're grateful for him. I beg of you; you might never get this chance again. Hug all of your family, tell them all you love them, say thank you. You never know.
And, might I convince you to get right with God. Today, my Savior humbled Himself to become mere flesh. My God sent his only Son to die the worst death imaginable. Why? Because He loves us. He wants to be with us. US! He wants to clean our dirty, greed-filled, ungrateful rags. Because he loves us; unconditionally.
Today I was given so many gifts; things, words and feelings. I am so, so grateful.
But one gift that was given to me today, I can't even fathom. It brings me to tears, it brings me to my knees. Today we were given Baby Jesus, Emmanuel. Emmanuel means: God with us.
Now... Merry Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal ;) ( I didn't want to leave you without a little pick-me-up.)
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